Photos at last

So, finally I have some uploadable photos. :) These were all taken yesterday. The only newborn photos we have are on cellphones.

I got my wish for a dark-haired baby finally. As a newborn she looked just like Mark's newborn photo. Since his hair fell out and came in darker, and ours falls out and comes in lighter, it will be interesting to see which hers does.

My sister-in-law made this hat for her, and it is so adorable. With her dark complexion she looks like a little Indian maiden.

You can see her hair better here. She has the cutest little nose too. And actual earlobes! I'm jealous. As tempting as it might be to get them pierced, though, I won't. I feel like that would be stealing a milestone from her later on.

Mark glows when he sees her. She's the first baby he has held willingly. (Even my Dad wasn't going to hold her, he said he likes to wait until they bounce. Haha. My mom set him straight.) I think we have a Daddy's girl.

So, today I'm chilling out with Hunter and Morgan while my parents are looking at wood stoves and Mark is at work with Andy. Hunter has been looking very sad and left out lately, and I'm glad for the time with him. He's happy about being a big brother, but very upset when the baby cries. Andy is more practical. He loves to hold her, sing songs to her, and manhandle her until I have to remind him that she is not a drum and patting is supposed to be gentle. He's very upset that we didn't name her Matilda, and still calls her Matilda and sings "Waltzing Matilda" to her every day. That's fine with me.

Having mixed genders among the kids makes all those curious questions so much easier to answer. Hunter was horrified to discover that girls poop from their bellies (her umbilical cord stub), lol. I tried to explain what it was but he was still grossed out that I wouldn't wipe it off. When I told them she was hungry, they both took off for the kitchen, shoving and pulling and shouting "I want to feed her!" "No, me!" "Please Mommy can I have the first turn to feed her?" It was a few minutes before they calmed down enough to realize that I wasn't just feeding her, she had to actually eat from me. Andy shrugged it off and moved on as soon as he realized what I meant, but Hunter keeps hovering whenever he's there to make sure she is getting real food. He can't quite understand how the whole process gets food into her. He was a nervous wreck this morning when she had a major dirty diaper and was screaming by the time I got to nursing her. He watched anxiously while I waited for her very tiny mouth to open wide enough, and when she finally started nursing he took a deep breath and said, "Ok, now she's getting the food." Hehe.

Nursing is painful with her. She has such a very small mouth, and a powerful suck, and I have blood blisters and scabs from it. I hope they go away soon. She's getting into about a 3 hour routine, and the last two nights has gone for a 5-hour stretch, which means I get 4 hours of sleep. She never had any trouble latching on; when they handed her to me in the delivery room several minutes after birth, she chomped down right away. Ouch. I had meant to have her stay in my room at all times, but I was so thankful for the nursery the second night. I'd have gotten no sleep otherwise.

Anyway, she's waking up and Hunter is tired of decorating himself with washable markers, so it's time to go. Take care all.   

She's Finally Here!!!!

Well, Morgan has finally condescended to grace us with her presence. :) After a week of stomach flu that either exacerbated the false labor, or was exacerbated by it, I went to the hospital on Saturday night because I started having the shakes and bleeding a little. Neither of which I'd had with the boys. Something seemed weird. They said I wasn't in labor, just lots of pain because of the flu, and at 12:30 AM were still trying to send me home. Finally around 1 AM I asked for pain medication, because I couldn't move and I felt like my stomach was going to rip open. Plus I was bleeding so much I was scared to leave. (We live 40 minutes from that hospital.) They said the midwife had to approve, and eventually called her. The midwife decided to come in and see what was going on, and she was only 20 minutes away so said not to give me any until she arrived. I was horrified, thinking I might be facing several hours of this because no one was taking me seriously. But Morgan beat her there at 1:49 AM, so it became a moot point. :D At least she was quick once she decided to make an appearance.

So, the 16th grandchild was born on the 16th of October, weighing ...... *gasp* ....... 9lbs 1oz. So much for watching my sugar! She's the spitting image of Mark, hehe. Quite the little athlete, I predict. When she starts really running around I think Hunter might forget that she's not a little brother.

When I have some photos to post I will put them up. Hopefully later this week.     

Summer in Photo Review

Since Baby Girl is still taking her good old time :( I decided to post some pics from my old phone.

This was at the Lego Store right after I got the phone.

Andy at the back door of our cabin.

Hunter and one of his cousins.

Blowing bubbles on the front porch.

Lunch after strawberry picking.

Andy with the giant cake my mom made to celebrate Patrick Henry's 275th birthday. She invited the homeschooling families from the surrounding area to come over for activities. Andy recited part of his famous "Liberty or Death" speech and got a special button. :)

Showing off the candy they collected at the parade.

Andy with his two best friends at a birthday party.

Decorating Hunter's homemade Super Mario birthday cake.

Seeing a dolphin at the aquarium.

Andy's favorite pal.

Bugeyes at the preschool.

In the neighbor's tire swing, while waiting for Andy's bus.

Headed to first grade. :)

Hunter suddenly discovers a love of coloring after refusing to even try for years. And he's good at it!

Here and there

I've been getting impatient for this baby. She's growing fast; I've gained four pounds in two weeks and it's not showing anywhere but my belly, which no longer fits into most of my maternity pants. :( It's getting too cold for skirts, and buying bigger pants only a few days before I'm due is out of the question. Ugh.

Both boys caught the flu this week, but thank God so far I feel fine. Just in case, I'm taking oscillococcinum (a homeopathic flu medicine that works well for me) as an added precaution. Hunter missed a day of school, Andy's missing his second, but we're getting extra homework done so it's not bad.

My parents kindly ordered us a futon with a bunk, and the company wasn't exactly up front about the time involved or the requirements for delivery. Mom tried to cancel the order and they said she'd have to pay a fat restocking fee because it had already left the warehouse. Funny thing, a week later we still haven't gotten their 24 hours notice for delivery. Liars. I just hope they don't decide to deliver on the day Baby Girl arrives, since they require us to unload the truck or pay an extra $100 for re-delivery. Not to mention the furniture that has to be moved out to make room for it.

Mark had a bad weekend and told me some more about his childhood. He's been very disturbed since talking to the counselor. He still hasn't set up regular appointments. He keeps saying they will think he's creepy, or he knows they won't believe him, or he doesn't think a woman can relate to where he's coming from. I asked if he would rather talk to a man, and of course he said no immediately. I'm trying to be patient. I know it must be really hard to break this ice. But he has to eventually, and he's put it off so long.

I decided I'm going to put the things he tells me on a flash drive and keep it hidden. I've struggled with not wanting to remember it, because he has to live with these memories every night. I discovered Violence Unsilenced in an effort to acclimate myself more to what he was telling me, but it's still not the same. Some of the stories cost me some sleep, but I don't have to live with those people and see the effects of the abuse in their daily lives. So I can eventually move on. I find that impossible to do with Mark. And he tells me things that people who write down their stories may hint at, but you just don't write those sorts of things in detail.

I have thought that I should write it down so I can let myself forget, but I'm terrified of someone finding it. These aren't things anyone would want other people to know happened to them. Especially their kids. I can't take any chance of Andy and Hunter finding these things. So I think I will store it on a flash drive, and if he ever needs it, it will be there. And I won't have to remember it so that he can forget.

Some of it had to do with his father, and was very depressing. He may have been a kind, loving person who wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone, but apparently he exposed Mark to a great deal of drug usage and to drugs at a young age. That makes me so sad.

The rest of it just makes me want to kill the Other Mother and The Wretch (her mother). It's simply not possible that they could have been completely unaware of this stuff. I loathe and abhor them more every day. Out of respect for the kids, I will refrain from dancing on their graves when they die, though I will probably spit on Gloria's when no one is looking. But I hope to God they are taken out of Mark's life for good before he is completely lost. He will never fully heal as long as they are in contact with him.

Things are going to get ugly with The Other Mother soon, I feel it. She is now dropping by the house unnanounced and inviting herself back, calling me every day to talk about Mark's back problems and what she thinks are his religious problems, and it will only get worse after the baby is born. She is going to force a confrontation; and I'm putting it off as long as possible but when it comes, I'm not pulling any punches any more. I'm done with her. Forever. I have been for a long time, and she is refusing to read the message. So I guess it's time I screamed it in her face and let the chips fall. I'm not letting her have the kind of relationship with my daughter that I mistakenly allowed with my boys.   

Sabbatical

I may not blog much for a while. I'm due in one week, I switched to a pay-as-you-go number because the phone bill was too much, and I won't be online as much for a while. So, just letting you guys know. I will be sure to post after the baby is born.