Free Range Kids

This past week was my Mom's birthday, and one of my brothers thanked her on Facebook for raising "free range kids." And it's true. More and more these days I realize just how different my own upbringing was from my siblings, and I'm gaining more respect for their point of view. That's not what I'm writing about today though. I like the line, because I think that's what most of the people I connect with over parenting are trying to do. Raise "free range kids." In different ways, perhaps, but still with that goal.

I had Andy's parent/teacher conference this week. It was very encouraging. He does well academically, and loves being challenged, and it appears this teacher is a good match for him. His word skills have doubled (by whatever confusing standard of measurement they use) since September, his math is right on course, and while his reading level for accuracy is fairly average, he is way ahead in comprehension skills.

His teacher mentioned that he expresses himself through his drawings. That was a light bulb for me. I've always told him what a good artist he is, but in fact he isn't good from a skill standpoint. It's the amount of expression he conveys in the scribbles that is so amazing. And I decided to stop worrying about what Mark will think and let him draw as much as he wants. We just have to find a way to keep the papers put away. Somewhere. In a fourth dimension. Mark threw away all the paper while I was staying at Mom's, and has a fit every time he sees more, so I've been trying to push Andy in other directions. But he needs to draw.

Hunter's conference last week also provided a light bulb. I've always blamed Mark's OCD for neatness on his mom's behavior, since cleaning was always her outlet, and was one of the ways he could deter her from getting mad at him. But apparently Hunter is the same way, at school. I guess he just feels overwhelmed at home and doesn't bring it up. His teacher said when they have playtime, if the rug gets too cluttered he stops playing, starts to become agitated and asks if it's clean-up time yet. I know now why he gets so angry when Andy blames his own messes on Hunter, and why he is always eager to help clean up even if it's Andy's chore. I thought he was just trying to save Andy the trouble, and have been making him leave it for Andy.

Time to rearrange some of my household strategies.

Morgan weighs nearly 12 lbs. She will outgrow the bassinet in just a couple more months I think. Yikes. Where am I going to put a crib?! Our whole house is smaller than Andy's classroom.

I am very glad I decided to send him to school this year. I'm starting to realize that our school district really is one of the best, academically. If we move closer to Mark's new job (which we have to if he keeps the job, and he had better keep it!), I want to wait until the school year is out. I don't know that I'd be so quick to put him in the school district we'd move to. It's not a bad area, but people have moved here from there just because of the schools. Still, we need to be away from here for other reasons. An hour's drive between us and the Other Mother would be fantastic. And I really like the area as far as the landscape.

Mark went into a treatment program last week. I am so glad. He has to go every morning at a ridiculous hour, so at least it's a program that requires commitment. And they are making him see a counselor.

The church threw a baby shower for us on Sunday during their once-a-month Fellowship Luncheon. It was so lovely. And I got professional portraits of Morgan on Monday, while she still has her hair - yayyy! The pictures were amazing. I only wish I could have purchased more.

I'm making our Thanksgiving dinner tonight. It works out better that way.

Fall is awesome

My only regret with being laid up at Mom's for two weeks is that I missed the fall peak. But it was worth it. I am eternally grateful to her for taking care of me to make sure I had a good head start on my recovery.

Plus, she reminded me again what good cooking can taste like! I feel inspired once more. Now that I can reach the stove and sink, I can bake and cook good meals again.

My little brother left for OK to stay with our sister for a few months, so my two weeks were blessedly peaceful. That has made it hard for me and Morgan both to adjust to the chaos of the cabin. I cherish the few short hours when both boys are in school. And even after Hunter gets home it's not too bad. He is quiet and mostly helpful on his own. Andy is the chaotic one these days, but Hunter is the antagonist.

I have been agonizing over whether or not I should go back to work, and I just can't see it happening. My social worker is trying his level best to cut us off of food stamps, will not answer any calls, would not let me talk more than a few seconds at a time when he called me, and it will be really hard to go to court without a car or a babysitter. But I don't see a choice. Andy's behavior had fallen through the floor when I went to work last year, especially after we moved in with my parents last fall and Mark ended up spending most of his time with them while work was scarce. The two weeks after Morgan's birth, they pretty much ate cereal and sweets at night and on weekends, and watched grossly inappropriate shows on the TV. I decided not to freak out over it and just get through the time, and when I moved back in I collected all the problem DVDs and hid them. And I may have to hide more. Andy doesn't listen to a word I say, he screams and yells constantly, he kicks Hunter, he fights over EVERYTHING, and I am at my wits' end with him.

He is doing great with his math skills in school, and reading was never a problem for him. Penmanship is a struggle. His teacher constantly puts reminders on his papers about spacing and punctuation, but he refuses to pay attention. Ugh. I have his parent/teacher conference next week, and that should be interesting. I am happy with how independent he is, though, and he is learning to solve problems with other kids. Now if only I could get him to solve problems with Hunter......

As the cold weather closes in, that cabin feels dreadfully claustrophobic. My parents got us the futon, so at least we have a teensy bit of floor space in the livingroom instead of having a mattress on the floor. But the low ceilings and crowded shelves still make me feel manic at times. And I fell down the small, narrow staircase the other night. Thank God I wasn't holding the baby.

Speaking of Morgan, she weighs about 11.5 lbs. now and has a big double chin, lol. She also has the sniffles. :( Which doesn't help with all her air swallowing. That's her biggest trouble with breastfeeding. I can't seem to fix it. Her hair is still there, though. I'm hoping it doesn't fall out until after the photo appointment we have next week. She'll be a tall one; she's outgrown several outfits already.

Mark practically worships her. He holds her at every opportunity (I had to pretty much DEMAND that he hold the boys) and says she's the most beautiful thing in the whole world. He gets a kick out of what he calls her "foraging;" that head-bobbing thing that breast-feeding babies do on your shoulder. I'm glad he's responding well to her. Maybe a new baby and a new job will bring some new life to him and to our family. I can only hope. And make sure I don't count on it.

The new job is far enough away that we would need to move at some point soon, which would be great. Not too far to visit, but not on the Other Mother's way home either. Isn't once a week often enough?! But although nothing has or really ever will change with her, I just don't feel like ruining my day by talking about it.

If any of my readers have experience with IUDs, I'd appreciate your input. I'm probably going to get one. They make one that has no hormone, but can cause heavier and more painful periods in the beginning; and mine are already pretty bad. Then the Mirena is said to only have a little hormone, but I'm so reactive to things that even a little might throw me off emotionally.

I am feeling much less depressed since the birth, and back to being angry instead, hehe. But in a calmer and more determined way. I'm still trying to find a daily routine that works for me and the kids, which is hard. But I'm sure eventually we will. The midwives had sent me to a hematologist because my platelets were so low, and she mentioned that a B12 deficiency can cause anemia and affect your mood. I had wondered since the prescription vitamins I was taking seemed to drastically improve my overall wellbeing. So I've been taking B12 and plan to keep taking it. I've always been anemic and I guess maybe that's why.

Gotta go; I've run out of computer time according to Morgan. :)

The News

Well, the week was going nicely. Then the Penn State story broke. I'm rather glad it made national headlines since that saves me the trouble of explaining to everyone what I'm talking about.

As you may imagine, there's a huge rant here waiting to come out. But since I have motherhood to tend to, I'll just try to condense it.

My biggest problem with all this? They fired the famous guy whose inaction embarrassed them, but the one nobody heard of who actually WITNESSED THE RAPE OF A CHILD wasn't fired! As of yesterday, at least. No doubt public outcry will remedy that shortly. His ass should have been out on the curb before the story ever hit the news, and charges of conspiracy filed by the DA. What is wrong with people?

A writer for the local paper said it perfectly when he wrote that McQueary "will always be the guy who saw a big man hurting a little boy.... and did nothing to stop it." Yes, he will. And for that he deserves to share a cell with the actual perpetrator.

Who, by the way, is free on bail.

Maybe vigilantes are good for something after all, since he's reportedly had to go into hiding due to the threats.

I saw a marquis on the highway that said something about how the team will suck now. I suppose they mean because dear old "Joe-Pa" is gone. I wished I could put a brick through it.

I have nicer things to say about other subjects, but those require more time than I have now.

I should add, though, that MARK GOT A JOB!!! :DDDD A really good one, working along the river for the Department of Environmental Affairs. He starts in a week. I am so glad. I hope this turns out to be the break we needed to get back on track financially. I will elaborate another day.

More Photos

Mom took this photo for me.

I love how she smiled just then. Even if it is gas.

Her hair is already getting lighter.......